I wouldn't change a thing.
Tomorrow however, is a new day.
I tried so hard after they left to make my heart hard. And now all my hard work is undone.
It's just much easier to tear down, than to build up.
Sometimes when I stare at the migarette in my hand, beg it to cease the moments of sadness and loneliness.
If only the moments of silence and happiness could be with me all I want.
Although the feelings that I want to express flow out,
they can't be easily put into words.
The naked heart is wandering, having nowhere to go.
And it is setting sharp thorns around,
for fear of being hurt and touched.
Kinda wasted today in a way that I didn't study haha~~~
Jul accompanied to get the 2 piercings back with me today, he said that he's going to get my 5th one with me : ) After that I slacked and chilled at Scape for the whole day.
Yesterday was too hardcore, no mood to study, sleepy.. Zzzzz.......
But really had fun chatting with friends : ) Pure chilling out day.
Came back home with Matthias they all. Haha we laughed so much on the way!
Mat was kinda 'high', hmm well slightly drunk though he didn't think so :P Plus the cute lil Fir ^_^
I think you won't know how it feels like when you're totally left out in a conversation when you want someone to talk to you or you want to talk to someone and the person is busying talking crap with another person.
You're always in the centre.
You're never left out.
28 Jan 2011 Friday
Danced from around 3pm to 10 30 today.
All out all the way I felt damn G and high ^^
Lolz I squeezed my sweat out of the shirt just now.. Eww...
Learnt quite a lot of things from Syafiq today. And he drilled me the spinning-around-up-and-down for like 10 min, I got so freaking dizzy >.< But the set is really dope. Gotta train on it and get it done. It's so cool I love it! :P
Heh but it's really hard to balance Zzzzz... : / I nearly kissed a passerby's ass when I recovered from the flip. Haha, couldn't stand still.
We had a cypher before leaving. I was really exhausted so my toprock kinda 'drunk' and kept crashing footwork -.- Lolz and Dva found it funny and started to imitate me hahaha!
Deep came today!!!!!!! Omg I've not seen her for suuuuuuch a loooooong time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.<
The moment we saw each other, we ran, screamed and hugged. HAHAHAHA!!! I think the guys who were there were thinking like what the heck is going on :P
Blehhhh we're girls, and it's not the first time for me hahaha!
I love today, and the feeling I got : )
♥
The things are changing.
When I listen to the songs I used to listen to, which fond memories were all around,
I felt the warmth and pain.
What on earth have I lost as I grew old ?
What on earth is this that's increasing as I'm growing old ?
Even this moment when I think like this is turning into the past, too.
I'm walking on today, with the scar in my heart,
Looking at your back as a guidepost to live.
It's over, or it's going to over.
Yesterday is dead.
I'm not gonna miss.
That song I keep playing is nothing but a photograph I look at with my ears.
There's nothing scary about choice. Scary is when you don't have choice.
Sometimes I do something simply to prove you wrong about me.
Or I will just fuck off.
It's getting more hampered by a certain distance inbetween.
Yay!!!
Today's session was so fun and great!!!!!!! :D
I feel so high and happy now heehee :P
Backache zzzzz... What affected me more from doing footwork was the ankle. I thought it was recovered. But the pain came back to me after the small cypher when the Big Toe LionT was there damn..
Yeah so didn't do much footwork but toprock today.
It was still very fun haha!!!
Lolz!!! Jonah and Karl kept playing their old school beats.
Ehh.. I missed Jul's funky beats : /
But not bad. I got to play mine~~~
Got something new today : )
Tomorrow gotta go all out and work on footwork more. I've seriously not been training footwork for quite a long time. Shit... I don't wanna get rusty >.<
Gotta study hard and manage the time well in order to balance the school work and bboying.
Yeah I can do it ^_^
Gambatte!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shit I'm so god damn tired...
22 Jan 2011 Saturday
I was so happy to see the 2 cute boys Kamarul, Luqman and FEC guys Shaun, Duckie and Hasty today!
I've not seen them for months >.<
Sighh.. I miss those days in Esp.. Lolz.....
Man... I feel people nowadays are so fucked up and messed up.
Everything is so risky and dramatic.
Lmao.
21 Jan 2011 Friday
Finally a proper session : )
Met Dav at Clementi to pick up the big and heavy but sick and dope speaker, and headed to Scape.
Slacked alone for around 2 hours to wait for people to come.
I was damn hyper and excited cos Xav and Shazzy came. I've not seen Xav for a looooooong time!!!!!! I missed them so much hahaha!! :P
Trained quite a lot. It was great : )
However at the later part of the session I got tired. Cos for these 2 days, I've been dying in school : /
Lolz so after taking a nap, I danced just a lil bit more lethargically, and left with Shaz and Xav.
I'm so overloaded with schoolwork..
Sigh.
Damn...
Due to not having a proper session for quite a long time, or rather that I didn't warm up properly before going down to floor for yesterday's training, now my back so pain...
Tomorrow's gonna be a nice day.
I hope.
: )
I have lots to study. So many tests are coming up.
I couldn't survive in school today... So freaking tired and sleepy.
Fuck... My mind went blank for the chemistry test. I guess I've again screwed up the paper.
I guess being misunderstood sometimes can be your motivations to work on something to prove people wrong.
In the end of the day, we all are ugly, disgusting and selfish animals that take things for granted.
Be it sex, love, friends, reputation, fame, money, apology, appreciation...
People fake in a certain way in order to get those things they want.
People speak in a certain way in order to please someone.
If each time you say "I love you", ''I miss you'', ''I'm sorry'', you meant it?
How many hearts would be invaded for the wrong reasons.
I'm bad.
But at least I know, everytime I say those, I mean it. And I don't force myself for not being who I am. I show my emotions, I show black face to someone I don't like. I don't care how people'd think cos that's just me.
Had a pretty fun session at Esp today. I've not hit there for such a long time. I missed my friends there so much.
I'll miss them and Esp again~
School is a bitch.
I hate going to cca and worse, I have to teach. What the fuck. It's so irritating.
Freaking tired and lack of sleep today. Even my upsized magic portion this morning didn't work. Maybe I need some fresh air.
Lolz.
The sleeping quality also sucks. The later I sleep, the sucker it is. Cos I keep thinking about I only left with X hours of sleep and those kind of shit.
Life is just the novel you write during your smoke break. And your novel is just a collection of lies you'd like to remember. And all that you remember, is the distance from here, to then.
I'm just saying.
Anson with Mark.
Woots love the early dismissal today!!! :D I had so much time for myself.
After that Mark went off for dinner while Saad and I went to collect my phone back!! Oh my gosh! It has been 3 weeks and I finally got it back! I was so excited lmao~~~
Damn... My contacts are gone Zzzzzzzz.........
Sweet, Saad gave me a medication for my back injury : ) Thank you dear Saad!!!
After that we met up with Fareed, and went to Scape together. David had left so we didn't have speaker. Too bad~~~
Today's the last day we see Desmond till March.
Julz is not back yet... We can't contact him... : (
Haha, Chicken came too.
Lolz damn sleepy today. No beats no mood. I don't know is it just today or what, I didn't have the feel at all. Damn.
School is a bitch. I need a break. Feburary please come soon. I want the Chinese New Year holiday. Lolz.
I need a hardcore session too. Go all out on friday!
Arghh...
My parents are kinda pissed off cos I go somewhere else during monday to thursday. And they think I've not been studying at all but dancing. Lolz.
I don't like to explain myself from misunderstanding or whatever shit like this. Cos I know that I'm doing the right way and things are not going like what they're thinking of.
Fuck it let it be this way. I'm sure they'll know that I'm not like that kind of girl they're imagining of one day.
Yeah so I'll still do it my way.
Sorry.
I wish their eyes could keep out all those that I do that irritate them.
I wish I'm transparent in this home.
Sigh.. Miss chilling out with friends. I wanna talk.
Lolz...
I realize sometimes I take little things in life for granted.
Little things like a sunny day, or kindness from a stranger. Things that could've never happened in the first place, but because of timing and chance, they did.
And I think that's the best part of it.
Today's such a relaxing chilling day.
Went to Scape alone, studied at CHAT for the whole afternoon until Shanyang came to pass me his chemistry textbook : )
Hahahaha, on the way back home with him was damn freaking funny! We made a detour cos we board the wrong side -.-
I realised that it was wrong side, so I asked him to go out first. And shit. The moment he went out, the doors closed : / So I took a train back at the next station, and told him wrongly that I was in the first cabin when I was actually at the last cabin hahahaha!!! Gg....... So at the next station, we alighted, and moved towards to each other and went in to the same train again -.-
HAHAHAHAHAHA it was so damn funny!!!!!
Early dismissal tomorrow. Hopefully it doesn't drag.
I shall stop worrying too much and go for the way I want.
15 Jan 2011 Saturday
Yo I'm back from the stupid retarded fucking camp and alive.
Thanks god that there wasn't traffic jam so the bus reached school 1 hour before the estimated time.
I missed my dearest friends and my bed SO FREAKING MUCH!!! : (
I wished the time would pass faster every single minute :'(
Anyway, I'm alive again : )
Haha I'm hardcore. I've been so aching for dancing for the past few days but I had zero chance...
So after getting out of school, I rushed to Scape. Mic, An they all were there. Mark was late by one hour : /
The lousy old shoes that I was wearing, which were supposed to be thrown away were very slippery. I could simply slip over even by doing 6-step -.- Yeah THANKS for the stupid camp...
So yeah, toprocked, and spent time with Vivi to chat downstairs lolz~
I actually brought smiles to someone's face. Haha, how touching it is. Cos I'm always thinking the other way round. I think it's always that they're bringing smiles to my face.
An aka Kitty aka Andy, happy birthday!!! Now I'm playing this back to you haha! I like you for being a very good friend. I like to push you to do the moves that you think that you can't do but actually it's that you're lazy to try :P Your toprock has got your style your flava, sometimes it's funny to see your specs dropping down hahahahahhahahaaha!!! I'm just saying~~~ You're a super nice guy. And sometimes easily being sort of like 'bullied' by us haha! I guess that's why you're also very well-liked by everyone : ) Keep rocking on and stay happy!!! Have a great year ahead! Happy 19th birthday dear Anan!!! :D
: (
I don't wanna go for the freaking camp...
Sigh..
Coming back on saturday night.
I'll find sometime to break there, secretly. Stay low profile. Pray hard for not being caught zz...
And I shall not take the risk to buy some packs to chill lmao :P
What the hell.. 4 days... : /
Sigh...
Coming back on saturday night. I think imma crash right after coming back. So that I'll have energy to go all out on sunday.
I'm so gonna miss here and my friends. Yeah.. At least, please let me have the chance to train there. Even just some chilling toprock will do... Please.........
: (
Hope I won't fall sick. Heh I'm already a bit sick.
Hope I can train there, without anybody knowing.
Hope by the time I get back to Singapore, I CAN GET MY PHONE BACK!!!!!!!!! Damn it what the fuck!!!!!! I've been waiting for it for 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!
Gotta wake up at 4 45am tomorrow, but here I am just came back from Scape, have not even started packing yet. G.
Yeah I'm the G shit!
HAHA!
: (
Fuck it I only have one day of weekend left..
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUck.........
Fuck the camp. I don't wanna leave Singapore : (
Anson today, with Jul. Mark had to do project last minute. David was there too.
Lolz. Jul and David. 2 crazy hardcore gamers... Well but at least Jul still taught me when I needed help ^_^
Haha, I didn't bring my shirt to change, so Jul lent me his :P fReSh AiR fTw~~~~
We waited for the fucking trains for quite a long time, but we couldn't board them and it came only every 6 mintues in the peak hour what the hell.
So again, we bought drinks and chilled. While I finishing my homework. Thanks god Dave's PSP just ran out of battery hahaha!!! Or else I'll be so bored and out of place. Lmao GAMERS!!!!!!!!! : /
I'm just saying~
Hmm.. I somehow gained a lil bit of confidence and a lil bit more motivation for my study..
So.. JC?? If so, I'll have to do very well for A level in order to get into what I want.
Work harder~
Sigh..
Today's rather a bad day.
I'm just tired and annoyed I guess.
My mood got so bad that I made a detour before going to MRT station after leaving them for home. Cos my tear flowed out lmao.
If only things could be simpler and normal.
My back is really fucked up. I can't even lift up and stretch my left arm. So for the first time, I didn't touch the floor for the whole session today. Lolz.
So kinda bored.
I feel bad for showing my fucked up mood today. I could have kept it.
Damn.. I'm sorry. For myself too.
I've not eaten a single thing today. But I'm not feeling hungry at all and really have no mood to eat.
I shall hit the sack soon.
I need a good sleep.
I believe I'm fine.
Smile : )
08 Jan 2011 Saturday
4 cups of coffee to keep me awake for the whole day.
Fuck the stupid school.
Didn't train much. Back was aching, felt really sleepy and lethargic.
Lots of things came to my mind today. Lolz cos I slacked too much perhaps.
Had nice chats with friends though. All 1 to 1 haha.
I'm trying hard to stay this way, so that crap won't get to me.
Sometimes, things are not screwing you up, but you're screwing things up.
07 Jan 2011 Friday
Woots I felt great for the session today : )
Went all out and sweat a lot after weeks of not breaking properly due to the back injury. But I really didn't wanna give it a damn anymore when I thought about not being able to break for 4 days next week cos of the damn camp.
Haha!! It was really awesome!!!!!!!!!!
Well but for once after such a long time, I didn't come out with anything new today.. I had to revise footwork as I'd not being doing it for so long >.<
Anyway, I felt great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
School is a bitch. It's tiring. I need more sleep, I want more time, I want to break more...
Eh....??? Did I see Sollah Roc????? O.o Hehhhh... Must be.. Julian......
???
Hmm.. Actually my back is getting worse.. Now I even feel the pain at the lower part of the left side of my back. So basically the whole left side is kinda fucked up..
Shit..... Hopefully it'll be fully recovered after resting from breaking cos of the 4-days camp next week.
It's been awhile since I felt so sleepy..
I really wanna crash to my bed now, but I'm so not used to sleep and wake up early : (
I find it hard for me to concentrate.. I need a packkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk....................................................................
I hope there's nothing for me to be worried about. But 3 years is already delayed.
Everything here is getting worse.
I don't know what should I do and what can I do.
Everything seems so unsteady and insecure.
I know I'm not being a good influence to you, yes I do feel guilty. But it's not a good excuse for you to explain yourselff for having bad behaviour in school.
Sometimes I really hate you, lil bro.
And I know I'm being a bad sister, but don't fucking us
I wish everything could be put on a pause, and get back to the right track.
Be strong now, because things will get better. it might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.
Can't fall asleep so early in the night. To used to the nocturnal life style...
Weekends coming........~~~~~ Soon.
I was supposed to go to Bugis to buy some books, but haha, thanks for Jul, he helped me to buy them :P
Bboyed today at Scape. I felt good. I hope my back injury's recovering soon, so that I can really go all out.
Hmm, and the construction at our previous sesson spot can be done soon : /
I have to do well this year.
Sighhhhh.......
I have no confidence in my study at all. Zero.
Friday please come soon!!!!! Can't wait........
And school just begun like this.
Really aching to break today, but I have too much things to do : (
Did a lil toprock at home, and that wanna-break feeling got stronger : /
I miss breaking, I miss my friends.
Old Ayumi's songs are breaking my heart. Being nostalgic is making me feel old.
Things fall. Things change. They wait a year and do it again. You don't need to fall to change.
Today, the last day of holiday was kinda fucked up. I've never felt this exhausted before.
Shit I still have homework to be completed...
Yeah I need more sleep and rest :P
I had the greatest holiday ever.
I never felt bored for this holiday as what I used to.
All the time I had were fully utilised.
I made great friends who really care about me and I love very much.
Now I have someone I really trust to talk to
My bboying has improved so much in such a short time.
I went out of house everyday from the morning to night to have fun.
I became more matured, I've grown up, and I'm 17 now lolz... 1 more year to legal age zzz......
I know what I want to do what I need to do what I have to do now. And what I want for future.
Haha by hanging out with them, I got exposed to many things. I shut up most of the time, but I listened a lot heehee : P
And I experienced how it feels to hang out at coffe shop hahaha!! It's really interesting and chilling!
It was really the greatest holiday ever... How sad that it's going to end.
How I wish everything just keeps on going this way...
Shit and I feel like tearing lmao...
Cos it somehow reminded me of my the 6 years happiest childhood I had in my hometown which I can never go back. The air, the friends, the small town...
Lolz.. It's so ridiculous for me to feel this way and become so emotional because of being nostalgic. I've been avoiding thinking about the past for so many years. I'm not exaggerating.
However life has to move on. Face the school, face the troubles, face the shit!
Fuck all of them! And be strong stay cool.
Mark says that time flies fast sighh. Yeah I hope it does, and it will soon come to the holiday like this again : )
Bye my dearest holiday, I'll be missing it most definitely~
Smile, move on.
I'm really exhausted from not having proper rest.
School's starting in just a few hours time. Fuck it.
I feel insecure and lost.
But I've no idea what exactly why am I feeling this way.
I think I just need some sleep. Don't worry~
When you push yourself to the limit, everything would just get worse when you can't hold it there.
01 01 2011 Saturday
Everything seems so fast. Wow it's 2011.
New year's eve, chilled with 2 brothas at Scape before heading down to Gregg's house.
At Gregg's place, I was the only girl there until thanks God my dear sis Vivi came.
Xbox, DJ game, chips, drinks and 'fresh air', and girls' talk with Vivi. Omg around 20 sticks were gone just for that a few hours. Haha so today only 3 sticks :P
It feels so good to have a close girl friend : )
Reached home at 3am after leaving Gregg's place. Haha!!!
Listening to Ayumi's songs today at Vivi's shop was nostalgic. It let me thought of the old days like 5 years back, when I was still a kid who loved to listen to her songs.
Melodious old country songs~ Haha! So emotional. Vivi and I were so stonned and into the songs when we were listening...
I should smile more. Even I myself realised that I'm kinda stonned these few days.
Must be I'm really tired, having pre-end-of-holiday-blues, and the fucked up back injury.
Lolz!
My 2010 has a great ending. I met so many good friends, my 2 brothas, my girl friend, a clique to hang out with and to be with me everyday, someone I can really trust 100% to talk to...
So much things happened on December holiday. My life has changed so much.
And I don't want to imagine how it's gonna be when everyone has to go to school, study, or work, and when Julz has to fly back to Australia.. : (
I cherish the every moment I'm having now.
