Mixed feeling.

I feel so tired and sleepy everyday.

It sucks being lethargic to do everything : /

End of next year, I'm going back Japan.

Can't wait. Next year is gonna be the twelfth year.

Honjo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Tomorrow is Friday.

No excitement for session or meeting friends at all. 

Ok nah, I wanna meet my friends, but not excited. Well last time I used to feel excited. Meeting friends at the end of a damn week was awesome.

But now, I just feel like taking a break.

Some fucking things are bothering me so much.

I know I shouldn't give a fuck.

君と 

強く 

胸に抱いたい

...

First day of school...

I don't feel like it's the first day of sch at all.
I'm so tired, so sleepy, so lack of energy.


I'm saving money for DSLR : )


Sufian and Andre are going to Thailand this Thursday.
Jealous ><
Hopefully one day my parents will allow me to go overseas with my friends : /


For these few days, I've been wanting to go back to Honjo~~
It has been... 11 years...
Oh gosh, how time flies.


I want weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Bye holiday!

Oh so school is starting tomorrow!
Imma go all out for study so fuck you school!!! I'm not letting you to screw me up!!!


Oh life can't you be easier??




I'm so envy of my girl friend Shalom.
She and her Mr. Right, these two lovely, cute and sweet couple.
: )




My grandparents are hospitalized... Grandpa's situation is worse...
Pray for them. Please recover fast.
I feel guilty.




I finally got to talk to Shanyang after ages not seeing him and having a good chat with him.
For the first 1 hour we text, starting from around 12 30am, then we decided to talk on the phone cos our fingers were getting so tired that we had typo errors everywhere hahaha!
So yup, and we talked on the phone for another 2 hours. Until he told me that hey it's already around 3 30 and we really gotta sleep : /
Haha, we had so much fun chatting!!
I hope he'll get the things sort out by today.


I'll only be breaking on friday, saturday and sunday (maybe a short while) starting from tomorrow to another holiday.
Hopefully I won't lose my sets and power.
Zzz...

-

Last night, or rather this morning, I took Night Rider home after having prata for dinner aka supper with friends. 
The moment I got down the bus, I vomited. Then on the way walking home, I puked a lil. When I finally reached home and was going bathe, I vomited everything out...
Horrible... The last time I went to eat at that shop, I got diarrhea the next morning, this time is vomiting plus minor diarrhea this morning...
I thought it was only me, but Xav and Chuck had diarrhea too : /
Oh damn it, not gonna go there to eat again. Never. I feel like I'm even having this phobia of eating pratas and going to such kind of shops again.




Shalom and I chatted this morning on fb about her confusion. 
Now she and him are finally officially together.
I'm happy for them : )




My bro is finally free.
We had session this afternoon at Esp. I was just slaking and chilling. I didn't want to break at all today. So damn exhausted to the max. And I'm having headache now : (




The damn school's starting... You know I'm not ready.
Life sucks man!! = ='' 


I just feel like staying at home these two days. But I cant'... The more I stay at home, the more lethargic I feel...
It sucks!


Oh yeah, I went to Queenstown shopping centre and West Coast Plaza with Karl yesterday.
I'm so into shoes now : /
Can't wait for my Adidas Gazelles ><
  

Pure power : /

This afternoon I went for movie with Shalom, it was then I realised that my free pass has also been stolen together with my cash another day at Scape -.-  So instead of Golden Village, we went for Green Lantern at Cathey.
After which, we went to study then break at RP.


Wow I haven't be going to RP for so freaking long. Kinda happy to see that there're people I know around : )
Today was another pure power drilling session. Hazry drilled my windmill to make it better. Whoa it is so damn freaking tiring : /
Oh and taught me this move that's just nice for my split heehee =P


It's my choice to be happy or sad or what so ever.
So I choose to be as happy as I can : )




Hehh you see! I told myself that I'll one day burn you quite long ago.
Now you've seen what I got today. Feeling bad huh?
Haha, I feel good!
: )

Power session~

22/06/2011 Wednesday




I'm having a headache now. Kinda.
I had a power session today, not food no drinks but pure water cos I only had 80 cents with me =.=''
Woohoo my windmill has improved from yesterday, zoom! The thing I needa work on is the speed.
Not only that, my flare has a slight improvement after Karl teaching me how to train for catching. Just needa kick a lil bit harder and swing my hip more, I think I'll get it soon : )
Hmmm, I was doing something randomly, and it looked like swipe. So yeah, now Imma work on swipe too.


I didn't really do footwork today. Powermoves are really tedious and exhausting. And the pain from hitting on the ground is bad. Whoa now my shoulders are aching...




Huh? You call me a biter? Oh come on that's foundation!
Ehh never mind, no point giving you a fuck.




I just heard that there's a bgirl 1 on 1 battle at BOTY this year, which is next month.
Hehhhh................. Not tempted to join. Yeah no no not gotta join!
I really really needa take a rest from participating competitions. 
I'm just afraid that I'll feel the sudden urge to join on the spot, especially when my friends hustle me : /
Whatever, for now, I just gonna get my do my thing yo!






Sigh, why do I feel so stressed and why do I feel so empty?
I guess I need a heart to heart talk, just a talk to rent everything out, talk crap, talk non-sense, and laugh like crazy with Vivi or my bro whom I can really trust. But they are so busy...
: (
And... Him, whom I was opening myself  up to and thinking that he should be trustworthy, has made me take a step back because of his confession of being in one of those...
I know he's different, but who knows what's gonna happen? There's no guarantee.


Dee's right, treat everyone as an enemy, so that I won't get hurt easily.
This is tough and horrible...




  
And why did you go offline? I was about to tell you how terrible I feel inside, just that I don't know how to start this conversation...
Miss talking to you and I really wanna meet up and talk to you so badly...


  

STING!!!

21/06/2011 Tuesday


I got stung by an unknown insect at CHAT while waiting for friends at Scape today : (
I'll just say that I've got stung by a bee cos I really have no idea what the hell it is, what the hell it was doing indoor and what the hell am I the unlucky one =.=''
Hehh lolz, I'm still alive HAHAHA!


Ehh anyway, in the end I didn't stay at Scape. I went all the way to Khatib and took bus with Andre from there to airport for session.
Today was bad. I had nice people to train with, ended up having a swollen ankle that could hardly wore my shoe because of the sting : (
The funny thing is, I was only wearing one shoe for windmill training and no shoes for toprocks (more balanced). I wanted to do footwork, but I'm afraid of busting my weak ankles without wearing shoes...
SAD!!!!
Sigh....
Hopefully it will heal faster and I'll be able to break with the steady and right people in future. I realised that breaking with the right people is very important. Not only because of getting more inspiration and improvement, but also avoiding mixing with those immature people who might talk shit, backs tab, create non-sense, and disturb you etc. . Lmao.
Hmm, good to have Andre as a good friend or rather a big bro haha =P


When I've run out of creativity or just simply tired of what I've been doing all the time, I know it's time for me to go for power power power~~~~~ Yeah, train something else.
: )

Thoughts all over.

20/06/2011 Monday


I've got lots of thoughts all over my mind.


This week is last week of holiday. Imma make the full use of it.




My bro Chinky is back. But didn't get to talk to him much today. Looks like Mark's going over to his place tomorrow. Lolz. And I won't be seeing him probably till the end of this week.
Oh hey screw it. After this week, Imma be fucking busy. I'll probably be using the free time to break rather than chilling out.
Lolz.
Maybe just some smoke break.




I just watched my NTU Funk Jam battle. Shane and I against NGBT.
Hmm... Wow the beat that I danced to was horrible. There was completely no beat at all during my throw-down, yeah, out of 4 of us, just me =.=''  
Ehh, no energy, no improvement shown compared to the previous jam.
Oh well, just for some consolation, at least I didn't crash and mess up everything like what I did at SBDC Top 16 battle.


Power power!!!




Today when Andre, Syafiq Junior, Xav and I were on the train heading to Bugis for the boombox, we met Colin from Grid and his friend.
His friend is the third perverted mind-fucking weirdo I've met from Grid, or rather so far in my life. The key word here, is ''mind-fucking''.
I was just standing there, wasn't even looking at him, and he said hey that guy (Xav) is also wearing purple, you two match.
I said err oh well he's my brother.
He gave me a perverted pedophile smile.
He then introduced himself, asked for my name and shook my hand. And this fucker just didn't wanna let go of my hand.
Luckily they got down the next station. Even when the door had opened and Colin was hurrying him, this fucker didn't wanna move, he was still trying to talk to me, he asked my surname which I didn't really answer, and said that he'll add me on facebook.
Anyway I didn't receive a new friend request, he doesn't know my full name and I think Colin knows that I felt disgusted by his friend so he didn't give.
Oh come on, even if you send me a friend request, you think I'll fucking accept???


After they getting off the train, my 3 guys were looking at me with the grossed out face while I talked non-sense and trying hard to get off from this mind-fucked mode.


Oh come on! What's seriously wrong with it? Why do I always encounter this kind of mind-fucking weirdo?????? Ok maybe not always, but hey, 3 fuckers in a row man! How terrible is that?
Not only that, somehow, 3 of them are related to Grid. 2 of them are like pedophile. 


Oi, if anyone of them, or someone else like they all come and disturb me again, I'll just ask them to shut the fuck up and fuck off in their faces. I mean it! I was too soft today. I should have say something nasty and harsh right in his face, cos I shouldn't be afraid since my friends were there. Lolz.


Fuck off man!

Know when to shut up.

You know when there're some buggers making noise behind your back or even right in your face, you should just shut the fuck up, do the right things, do your own things.
The more they talk shit, the uglier they're becoming. Because that's what they ask for.


Yeah and you know, something is just not worth your attention.


So smile and do your own things Rie : ) 

I'll come back stronger

In the end I battled with Shane cos Ivan couldn't make it on time.
They said I did well, didn't crash, it was flow, Andre and Dom even told me that I was all on beat during my throw down. But Jiahao said that he didn't see improvement from the previous jam. Yeah I feel so too.
That's why I'm kinda confused... I shall wait for the video then.
I didn't use the set as what I planned. Hmm, good in a way that I free-styled, bad in a way that I didn't get to use the moves that I just got from the new inspiration these few days...
And I didn't even think of getting into Top 16. 
I don't know why.


Anyway, I feel like my style is changing.
Just within these 3 days, I've gotten inspiration from Bounce, Ivan, Sufian and Syafiq.
So the style of my new footwork is different from my previous one.
And I need more confidence...
I need more freezes and transitions. Time to conquer my fear.
I'll be back when I've reached the next level.


Go go underground~~~~


  

Day before NTU Funk

I'm still wondering if not insisting of withdrawing from this competition is a right choice...
I'm not sure if I'm ready.
I don't wanna under perform ever again.
I wanna go all out.

One last try tomorrow, I shall just go all out, try my best not to disappoint myself.


Yeah I'll be able to do so.
I'm ready for the battles.
Fuck care who I'm gonna battle,
Fuck care what people wanna bullshit,
Fuck care the crowd,
Just gonna bring my best self for the battle.

That's the way.

Go Ray!

My life is too short.

Sometimes I scarify what I need to do for what I want and love to do. 

For 80% of your life is being controlled by the harsh reality. So I'm doing what I'm doing, just to fight for some more joy and hoping to dump everything aside.

I love dance and I live to dance.
When I dance, there's no past, no future, only the present, the moment of happiness, craziness, joyfulness, dance, friends, and I myself.

What I just don't understand is that why am I still feeling so stressed up by everything?

Family, study, time, school shit, even those bboy competitions etc. ~

I need some smokes for consolation.

  

 

Blank.

I know I have feelings left somewhere. But they're all so hard to reach.

Awesome friends, awesome day

13 June 2011  Monday

Dva is finally back from Indo. I was so excited to see him back ^^
I haven't had this kind of awesome session for such a long time already. The feeling for breaking has really came back with the presence of Dva.

I don't know why, but this friend really mean a lot for me for my bboying. 

It's him who has influenced me the most for my style, it's him who always gives me lots of inspiration and hype for my creation, it's him who's always been a very good friend who's always here by my side.

He played a big part for the improvement I made previously.

This is the kind of friends I cherish : )

Not that I'm not close to anybody else, but somehow Dee can influence the people around him, to go all out and be as hype as him. That's why we always have fun session when Dee is there.

So Wei, Dee and I fooled around and had a great session together. We haven't been breaking together for so long. We missed it : )   We just make lots of nonsense when we three come together HAHA!!! ^^  

93 Till Infinity =P

Heehee I got so many new moves today :D

Anyway it makes me wonder, does it tell me that I can't get my mood to get down on the floor when people like Dva are not there? Or was it just so happens that I lost my feeling for breaking when Dva wasn't here and it just came back to me, together with Dee coincidentally? 

So what if it's really people like Dee who makes my bgirl life to be more interesting and more colourful? It's... Bad. Cos I'll be too dependent for the others to give me hype and I'll easily lose my feeling for bbying when they're not around.

I just find out how this friend means so much to me, especially for breaking.

Sometimes I wonder, why is it that the group of friends that I hang out with is always changing? Is it normal or is it just me?
Oh well, it doesn't really bother me anyway. I still feel good.



Just talked to the company's boss about what's up with the post that I posted on G-F***e group (now called Bboy).
Lolz, anyway I'm going to talk to him together with Andre again. Cos it seems like he's not changing his mind, he doesn't get it or simply still wanna work everything out under his plan.

I don't want our reputation in the scene to be ruined because of carrying the name ''G-F***e'', which seems like a wack crew to other bboys in the scene when it is not even a fucking crew.
I don't want us to be under the company's control, use us for commercial purposes, and be commercialized. 

We are NOT under your company. We're on our on.

We do not need a manager like them.
We are NOT a crew.

And you don't fucking know how the scene and how our culture are like.
So don't ever think of controling us by getting us together under your hand.
Don't ever think that calling it as a ''community'' will stop what's happening. 

Fuck I don't wanna be misunderstood or mistaken as a bgirl from G-Fource under Grid ever again. So does every bboy on my side.

I want them to know how important a crew is, how a crew should be, and how a crew means so much to a bboy.

And I don't wanna see my friends getting this kind of bullshit again.

Fuck you I'm so pissed off.

Once everything's done, I'll shut the fuck up. And you, stop bothering me, giving troubles and worse even, interrupt me when I'm training.

Peace.

  

   

Time. Lost.

Am I just fucking wasting time?
Am I doing what I wanna do?


I need an answer.


Maybe it's time to try something else.
Hmm...


I'm not gonna quit bboying.
Never.


I'm kinda lost in the way of life.
Lost in the way I am.


Am I enjoying from what I'm doing or am I just doing for the sake of doing?


I shall stop asking myself these stupid dumb questions by thinking of what Bounce told us.


Time to sleep.

Inspired by Bounce~

Today I attended Bboy Bounce's workshop.
It was crazy, inspiring, awesome,worthy and meaningful.
So, my feeling for breaking is back again. Yeah, maybe not fully, but anyway, I'm back : )




-----------------------------------------




I'm so sick and tired of working with that company. I'm doing so much but ain't getting paid or what so ever, in turn, I'm kinda getting shit.
Stop giving me stress.
I'll fuck off.

Rest VS Stress

I don't know what breaking means to me now... It was a hobby when I just started... Now it gets too much to a certain extend that it's giving me stress. I can't even give myself a proper rest by escaping away from breaking. I wonder why am I pushing so hard and what it means to me now.


I'm really gonna take a rest from breaking...


Time to do something else.

No more drive...

I don't know what has happened to me.
Starting from this week, I feel no more drive and motivation for breaking anymore...
Maybe I'm tired, maybe cos people like Dva are not around... I've not freaking idea...


I've been hardcore breaking for too long. Maybe it's time for me to take a break by not breaking...
I hope I'll be fine when I'm back after this break.




Someone stole my cash from my waller, which was inside my bag when we were having session..
The our favorite security guard insist to give me some cash, saying that he's my friend and doesn't want me to feel sad...
It is so touching, sweet and caring.


Dear uncle, I'll repay your kindness by sharing it to others. You have my utmost respect.
: )

涙そうそう-夏川りみ

涙が止まらない・・・・

SBDC Top 16

The battle was... Unprepared, unexpected, no mood...


I nearly cried after battle. Thanks for my friends.




I died, I gave up, I've never felt so bad and disappointed before... Now I'm gonna stand strong and never let it happen again.




I'll be back when I'm ready. Fully ready.


By the way, I cherish this friendship that we built through this competition : )




Lolz. For the first time after a few months, I craved for some puffs to ease the pain after the battle...

Desolation

A trapped soul incarcerated in decaying flesh.
Strange how strength can dissolve, 
Eradicating all dreams and hopes.
- Bell




I'm perished in desolation.


Nah, no one's gonna knock me down.
Fuck this loneliness!  


I feel like talking to my homie...


: (

The hardest you could be...

And you will find no fear here, in unkind words or the hardness of others.

And you will find no sadness here, in the meanness of the world, in the anger that comes from those who feel small.

And you will find no hurt here, in a million insults or a single, softly spoken lie.

Because only a hard heart shatters.

Only a hard heart, breaks.


- I wrote this for you




Beautiful words.