I wanna smile more

There's a reason why I like to come back home when everyone's asleep. Cos I don't wanna hear the annoying noise that spoils my mood after such a happy day. I like when I'm home all by myself, I like the peace and the silence I want after a day...
It's all the shit... It's all those that fucked up my mood and stopped me from writing a happy blog entry sometimes.
And sometimes, I miss the chilling miggerate on my fingers. It has been a long time.


Yup trained at Scape today. Ivan was there haha finally : )
Improved my windmill but nothing new about others : /
I've got some ideas in mind but I can't do yet -.-


It was quite fun today. Shanyang dropped by here surprisingly!!
I was so happy to see him there after so long ^^  So we had nice talk and also joked around. 
Peter was there too.
Shanyang made a deal with me. Next time we meet, I gonna remember ''Please send cats, monkeys and zebras in large hired cages make sure pedlock good'' by heart, and get good windmill and get my nearly-one-round flare back. I hope that will be soon. I miss talking to him : )


Oh yeah I met Eric and Shin at Scape today too. Miss seeing them around, especially Eric, this cute boy : )




Just like what I told my girl Shalom yesterday. I'm doing good or seem to be good sometimes, but sometimes, I just feel fucking insecure and empty. 
Just a hug or showing some care to me will be enough.
I'm so alone.

Scape is dying.

Yea exactly, Scape is dying.
I went to Scape today just for my bro Ivan as he told me that he's not gonna appear till the end of his A lvl next year.. In the end he couldn't make it cos of a project -.-
I haven't been to there for quite long, and I realised that the dancers there are getting lesser and lesser, especially today. It's a freaking Saturday night, but it was so empty.
Oh well, it's flooded by the annoying shufflers though. The fellas took our spot still -.-


Hmm... We had no music... Kinda, a bored session : /
Hehh but we had some fun still : )

I brought my DSLR along with me, yayy finally got to bring it out ^^ So the boys, took it to camwhore haha! It wasn't a 'normal' one though! Thanks to Chuck!!! He made it an epic camwhore session with all the funny ghostly pose at the background HAHAHA!!! We laughed so hard! XD  


Besides that, I was so bored that I tried windmill after one whole month because of the fucked up wrist injury. And weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't lose my windmill XD  Still a bit pain though but woooohooooooooo!!!!!!!!! I felt sooooooooooooooo damn great :D
Ehh.... I lost my nearly-one-round flare though : (  And I've got a bad feeling that my another wrist, my left wrist is getting worst =.=''   OIII what's wrong sia???!!!


Oh yeah Shalom dropped by just to see me heehee  ^^ We haven't really talked for quite long so we had a heart to heart talk : )  I'm so glad to hear that I helped her to clear her mind.


I'm going to Scape again tomorrow. Hmm, a relaxing weekend before common test : /

Nice yet emo day

Scape again! After not going to Scape on Friday nights for so freaking long!!!
There wasn't much people. And all the people there were my lovely friends ^^
I'm soooooooooooooooooooooo damn freaking lucky to see my dear Dva there!!!!!!!!!! Oh my fuck god we haven't met for months man!!!!!!!!!!!! ><  I was sooooooooooo excited to see him there and we gave each other a hug. He's been busying with his business and study. We talked, fooled around, had lots of fun like how we used to do before... And he also shared some moves with me. I miss this buddy so much : )   So great to see him again! And it's so touching when you get to know there's someone who really cares for you. I tend to go into a deep thought after talking to him. Sometimes it makes me tear too..
Our fond memory with Piwei happened just a few months ago, yet it feels so far away. I miss how we three go crazy together...
Everything changes so fast. I can't catch up with the time.


Dva aside, Andre, Xav, Sufian, Kamarul and Jiahao they all were there. I missed that atmosphere and I missed all of them so much...
I met Vivi today too!! LIKE FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Same as Dee, we haven't met for months already! So we finally got to catch up and had a heart to heart talk : )   Hopefully she'll be doing better.


I was in self-denial... Frankly speaking, I'm closer to them than him. Much closer. I may not trust them as much as I can trust him, but I have more fun, more ideas, more inspiration and I feel much much closer to them... It's weird isn't it? I don't really understand why I've chosen to leave.. Am I just escaping from some fucked up shit, am I just don't wanna see somebody, am I just want a quieter place to practise, or am I just wanna be away for fun?? 
Because of my choice, I feel so fucking alone.
I wish I know myself better. I wish I'm not in another self-denial, I wish I know what I actually want..
I wish everything could go on my way.
I really, sincerely hope to see them again... It all depends on myself though.


I realized that I always listen to hyper and crazy songs on school days. However, most of the times after breaking on weekends, or after having a heart to heart talk to somebody, I'll be breaking the rule and listen to some emo songs. 
Sometimes I just wanna let it out, and break down.


It's just life.
We are always breaking the shell that we have, the process is painful, but once you came out of it, you've grown a lil. However we're in a new shell again.
Breaking out from the shell, grow up a lil, get a new one, then breaking out from the new shell again.
It's just a cycle and we can never get out of it.
Just like how we get more matured by getting out from a dilemma, or getting used to a big change in life,  then we go through another painful and heart-breaking process when we encounter something else.






By the way, I've had enough already. 
And I've decided to play you back : )
I will have fun, not sure bout you.


  

Silence, please.

Can I have silence please?

I hate undesirable noise.

If you think you're right in everything you thought its right to do, you're wrong.

The week after is common test...

Give up or all out...?

''Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry.'' 

You made me feel special and then you disappeared. 

Now you're trying hard to get back here again.

I'm sorry, please fuck off. 

You fake.

Random Words

You never really knew, and I was there 
Lurking through your hair, through your thoughts
I was there, not now, not anymore,
Can’t stand the light, I dim the sunlight in the day, to feel alive
Then when I go to take a bath... later I’m not sure if I’m alone,
I’m not sure I can think, 
And I don’t know what happened to my clothes, 
Where are they, so I go out naked in the world
Yet no one can see me and I’m scared to fly,
What if the wax will melt and my feathers leave my wings
And no one would know where I fell...
Would you then find me ?


Random words from somebody I don't know.

Dream

Why am I always dreaming about things that I worried and don't make me happy?

Beeeeeep~ Saturday~ What a day~

(Jeroen's magnet-pyramid)

I haven't had session like this so hardcore like today for a long time already.


I left home early in the morning, reached Scape at 12. Lab session for two hours, then headed to Esp library.
After which, I joined Jiahao they all at SMU but too bad, we got chased out by the security guard -.-
Ooh well so I went back to Scape at night.


I feel sorry having not to talk to them much : /
Something's stopping me. I've no idea what and why.


I'm not chasing after you. You know where to find me.

That the way light bounces off your skin has nothing to do with who you are.

That smokers believe they need to die a little, just to go outside.

That art has always hated the frame you put it in and would lash out, kicking and screaming in the streets, if you gave it half a chance.

That the way lovers touch can not be communicated in words, no matter how often or how hard you try.

That your body fights your mind and your mind fights your soul and your soul fights the world, to try and figure out what you are.

That sometimes, you're just tired.

That's all.


- I wrote this for you

Yes I'm exhausted.. 

I'm not very happy. I'm kinda moody...

Maybe I should find some time to talk to friends more.

My new favourite colour has changed to dark blue..

Maybe that explains why.

---

Monday.


I went for jogging at sports complex before coming home today.
It has been a really long time. I haven't been there ever since I've picked up dancing.
It felt really great. Especially the moment I started running on the track. Really awesome.
Felt so free.


Good news. I found this spot at my house downstairs after jogging.
It's a small spot just nice for one person to break. 
It's a spot that nobody will walk pass by especially in the evening.
Just that it's kinda dirty : /
Nah it's ok, I'll find a way to clean the floor next time. Weeeehoooo XD




I fucking feel like a burden of the family. 
Fucking dying to be independent.
Not that I don't wanna work to earn money. It's that I don't have the freaking time.
You don't fucking know me so shut up.
Well I don't bother to explain either.
I'll just prove you, when I'm done with the freaking O lvl exam.
Fuck this shit. Stop spoiling my mood and compare me with my bro.


You will never know that I was going to have a happy title for the post today.

Good day : )

It was a good day, except for the mugging part. 

=P

Weian text me this morning, telling me that he's going to break at Esp.

So I brought my gears, and went to break after mugging ^^
Lolz I felt like my head was spinning after staring on the books for so damn long.

But I felt so great after breaking and sweating like a mad weehoooo!!!!!!!!! :D

After session, I went to Scape to return Zhian money, plus it's the last day Shane's here in Sg. Lolz.

I didn't know I actually miss those friends so much until I see them haha XD

I missed talking to Zach, watching Sufian bully Shane, Arino and Zhian's gayness, Xav's epic randomness and all those nonsense.

So I ended up staying there until 8pm, though I only wanted to drop by for like 15 min -.-

It was mostly because of Zach begging me to stay haha!!! Lolz this busy boy, we seldom get to meet too : (

I wonder when my wrist's gonna recover : (

Start of a brand new week.. It's gonna be hectic. 

Gimme a good one.

 

Today sucks

22/07/11 Saturday




Today sucks seriously -.-


We wanted to break at TP's sports hall, but it was locked. Usually it's open.


So we went to the airport. Our spot was taken, so we shifted to this spot which was kinda near to an office.
Somehow we had the mood and the feel to break all out.
But after awhile, this office man, along with a security guard came to talk to us.
I simply didn't wanna look at their disgusting face so I just sat there and facing the back. It was Karl who entertained them.
Lolz.
I admire how Karl could be so patient despite how ugly, disgusting and disrespectful the office man was.
If it was me, I'd just give him a fucked up face and a fucked up attitude.


Oh well after that we went up and down for like 1 hour to search for a spot, a particular spot that we went long long time ago. It was so damn tiring to walk around the airport... We did the same thing on yesterday. But yesterday was more jialat.
We finally found a way to go to that particular spot. 
Lolz, and there were 3 Mlay gals who were being assholes and wanted to find some troubles. In the end my buddy shouted 'fuck you' in their language then they kept quiet -.-


So we're not gonna be going to the airport anymore. At least for this period of time. Lolz.


Next week will be good.


Friday please come to me fast.